Thanksgiving Wishes

Intervention: Crisis is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Intervention usually happens as the result of some crisis. Think about it . . . arrest, divorce, fired from job, accident, injuries. It is never done when people are having a good day. But, people do not usually act with the first crisis. The arrest happens, lawyers fix it, time passes . . . the pain of the crisis goes away. Then there is the threat of divorce, big arguments, tempers calm, time passes . . . the pain of the crisis goes away. Then the job is lost, there is the scramble to find a new job, interviewing, finally getting the new job, time passes . . . the pain of the crisis goes away. And, the addiction all this time marches merrily along, getting worse . . . and worse . . . and worse.

Crisis is a golden opportunity to professionally intervene. It doesn't get better. The trick is not to wait for crisis after crisis after crisis. The trick is to take the crisis that you can recover from and intervene NOW.

Yes, a crisis is a terrible thing to waste. Will you waste your next one?

Controlling Destiny or Destiny Controlling?

There are a few favorite sayings that I like because they put in a nutshell a truism. For example, "What isn't measured isn't managed"; "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." Some sayings sound good, but are either not true or are bad advice, such as "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"; "AA is like a smorgasbord . . . take what you like and leave the rest."

Then we have sayings or philosophies like "We control our own destinies." True? Or not? Are we the masters of our own fate? Completely? Or are some things out of our control?

Here's my take . . . There are some things we can control to a certain degree . . . where we live, who we marry, our honesty and integrity. Other things we control much of the time, but not all of the time . . . where we work, what college we attend. Some things are completely out of our control . . . natural disasters, how other people will treat us. I believe that choices we make have an impact on outcomes and, in to that degree, we do have some control over our destinies. For example, if a person studies hard, get good grades, that person will have a better chance of getting into the college of their choice. There are no guarantees, but the odds are greatly improved. The friends we choose and how we treat them will impact our futures in a positive or negative way. Is there an exact science to all of this, a certainty? Of course not. But, better choices lead to better results. So, in that way, I do believe we have some control over our destinies.

Addiction robs people of this. Addicts routinely make bad choices over and over. Life happens to them rather than the other way around. They become "victims" of consequences. Life gets "out of control" the more the disease advances and not surprisingly. Addiction, after all, is a disease of "loss of control."

If people want to have some impact on their destiny, some say in where they want life to take them, to have some control, a good place to start is by getting help for any addiction that ails them. This goes for the co-dependents as well. Then, rather than destiny controlling us we have some say in controlling our own futures.

What do you think?

Fear: Paralyzer or Motivator

In FDR's fist inaugural speech in 1933 he spoke these famous words, " . . . the only thing we have to fear is fear itself . . ." This country was in the depths of the Great Depression, a time that people who lived through it can recall with vivid anguish. FDR talked about fear "paralyzing" needed efforts. In this sense fear takes control and the tasks that need to be done are not done. Things only get worse, compounding the fear that is already out of control. But, is fear always a bad thing? Can it be, under certain circumstances, a motivator? Are there things we might not otherwise do but for fear?

When it comes to dealing with addiction fear starts off as a paralyzer. Families are slow to take action because they are afraid of what will happen, afraid of their loved one's response, afraid of what will be required of them in the process, afraid they are making too much of the situation, afraid of losing control and the list goes on. The longer they wait to get help, the worse the problem gets and the fear escalates. At some point, the pain of the consequences from the disease reach a stage where it is unbearable and a shift begins to occur. Fear starts to turn into a motivator. Families become afraid that their loved one will hurt themselves or someone else, that their loved one will die or kill someone else. They fear the loss of another job or another angry blow-up. They fear public humiliation and embarrassment. Fear now turns from paralyzing into motivating and turns inaction into action.

As FDR addressed the problems of the country and his plans for restoration, he stated "There are many ways in which it can be helped, but it can never be helped merely by talking about it. We must act and act quickly." The same words can be applied to the disease of addiction and the need for getting help. Act and act quickly. People would not wait to end the suffering of themselves or their loved one under any other circumstances. Why with this disease?

So, when fear strikes don't get stuck in paralysis. Instead, use this emotion to your advantage . . . to motivate your family into action.

There is Help ~ There is Hope

Intervention Fears: How Realistic Are They?

Every call I receive contains many spoken and unspoken negative feelings and emotions . . . anger, doubt, sadness, despair, anxiety. The biggest one is fear, the underlying taproot of all the others. Fear of what? Well, fear of everything. Fear of what I might tell them, fear of over-reacting to the situation, fear of their loved one's response, fear of the unknown, fear of the process, fear of the cost, fear of other people in the family, fear of. . . . you name it. Are the fears real? Absolutely. If it's your fear, it's very real. The question, however, is not are the fears real, but are the fears realistic? Most of the time they are not. That is the good news.

The bad news is getting the caller to believe me. Oh, my God. When one fear is addressed the justifications for another are trotted out. Get rid of that one and another is marched forth. It's endless; way too much to go into in one blog post. So, let me address one of the biggest and most common ones; fear of their loved one's response to an intervention. He or she will be so angry they will never speak to me again . . . Or, he or she will run away, they lament. I've facilitated innumerable interventions over the years and this has never happened. Not once. Why? Because there is nothing to run away from! The interventions I facilitate are all invitational, so running away is a non-issue. As far as never speaking again . . . it's quite the opposite. They come, they speak. And, they speak respectfully, because it is a respectful process. And, they learn. In large part what they learn is that their family cares SO much for them that they faced this fear and walked through it anyway. Their family cares SO much for them they hired help. Their family cares SO much for them they put aside their lives to assemble for a 2-day workshop. Their family cares SO much about them that they risked their loved one's hate, scorn, contempt, anger, rudeness and withholding of love to intervene anyway. As the process unfolds, this becomes undeniably clear, even to someone screwed up on drugs and alcohol. The impact . . . very powerful.

Are the fears real? Yes, indeed. So is the overwhelming love of a family that would go to the lengths to put together an intervention. Are the fears realistic? No. What is realistic is the hope a family can realize when they get help.

Don't let your fears bind you . . . or worse. Reach out for help. It is there, waiting.

There is Help ~ There is Hope

Reaching Out: Friend From Past Reconnects

How important is our youth? Are there certain times in our life that are just "special" in ways that perhaps we don't realize until many years later? Are there people we have lost touch with that we could reach out to . . . find after many years . . . perhaps 32 of them? Will we see certain parts of them that were there all those years before, pieces of their personalities that still stand out, that have remained even though the years have long since gone?

I had a chance to find out recently when a fellow I met on a cruise 32 years ago called me out of the blue. A girlfriend and I met this young man when we were on the adventure of a lifetime . . . a Mediterranean cruise. We were all so young then; what a magical time. He was traveling with his family (parents and siblings). He became smitten with my friend, and a group of several, including a couple of his siblings, all palled around together. Life was so BIG and we thrilled at all it had to offer . . . the adventures, the sights, everyday something new and different. It was such a time of innocent freedom, good fun, joy at being alive.

Life has happened to both of us during these 32 years and we have had fun catching up on it. Most of all I wondered what made this man pick up the phone and reach out after all this time. He said he was moving some things from his office and came across a box of old pictures and stuff from the mid-70's. It took him back to a time in life that he realizes now was so incredibly special. He said he didn't want to die with any regrets and he would have regretted not reaching out to see where I was, what I was doing, if I was well. When I first heard his message on my voice mail I assumed the worst . . . his mother or a sibling had passed away. Isn't that what usually prompts us to call? But, no. It was life, not death or tragedy that prompted him to call.

As we talked, he said, "You've still got the crazy sense of humor I remember." Yes, and he still used words and phrases that, for me, rolled 32 years back in a flash. The brain is an amazing organ. I could see the deep blue water, feel the Mediterranean warmth, recall the richness of our youthful camaraderie.

Addiction sucks the life right out of us. It takes away all the joys. It can take it away in our youth making it so that we don't have these kinds of memories to enjoy with a friend 32 years later. Addiction can make it so that upon finding those photographs a person is too sick to reach out . . . or when they reach out they find someone on the other end who is not well.

This man and I talked about relationships, how important they are, how precious our family and friends are. Do you have someone you haven't connected with in a long time? Wonder where they are, how they are doing, what they've done with their lives? Maybe it's time to reach out, to reconnect and, yes, to remember.

If drugs or alcohol are robbing your quality of life or that of a loved one, please reach out for help. Life is too dear to sit back and do nothing; time is too valuable to waste.

There is Help~There is Hope

Can You Find the Bottle (Addiction) in This Picture?

In yesterday's post about the newspaper article on the tragic shooting in South Carolina I said "there is a bottle in this picture." What this means is that when I read an article or hear a news story, if it has crazy, outlandish, bizarre, whacked-out behavior associated with it, I just know that there has to be drugs and/or alcohol involved. "The bottle" refers to the booze or the drugs and is my euphemism for them. Here's what I mean . . .

We all know that alcohol and drug addictions cause people to do crazy things, think crazy thoughts, rack up outrageous consequences. Most of this madness is confined to a private level. However, when a person's thinking, acting and behaving get completely "out of control" it often makes headlines. Most people don't do outrageous things. So, when you read an article or hear a story on the news detailing something completely crazy, totally "over the top", really bizarre . . . just look for the bottle in the picture. You will find it most of the time.

Here are a few headlines that unequivocally and publicly shout addiction:

“Pilot allegedly tried to fly drunk”
“Man in car died of intoxication”
“Man with prior DUI’s charged with a third”
“Funeral director spent clients’ money on strippers”
“School bus driver charged with drunken driving”
“Drunk driver gets 25 years in fatal crash”
"Ecstasy overdose fatal”
“Parents test positive for meth in family drowning”

Often the headlines are not so obvious, but when you read the body of the article, 9 times out of 10 it will mention alcohol or drugs, thus verifying your suspicion. Here is a sampling:

“Woman charged for allegedly ramming wheelchair-bound mom”
“Man claims rage caused wife’s death”
“Woman arrested in cemetery incident”
“Girl called for help minutes before murder-suicide”
“Pair who fled wrong way on freeway still at large”
“80-year old pleads guilty to attacking wife of 60 years with hammer”
“Panhandler arrested for allegedly kicking dog”
“Man allegedly left to die on windshield”
“Woman charged after fight over crying baby”
“2 plead not guilty in horse’s death”
“Man escapes charges after flowerpot fracas”

In this second set of articles, alcohol or drugs were specifically mentioned somewhere in the story.

So, how do I come to the conclusion that alcohol or drugs were involved in these stories simply by reading the headlines? Think about it. Sober people don't do these things!!! Seriously. Do you know any sober person who rams her wheel-chair bound mother? Who leaves someone to die on their windshield? Who gets arrested in a cemetery incident? No. And, neither do I. Common sense and the law of averages tell me there is a bottle in the picture.

Even scarier than these stories is knowing that there are people who know these people. There are people that know these people have a problem with alcohol or drugs. It's sad that it reaches this level without a friend or family member intervening to help and intervening in a way that is most likely to succeed in helping. Think of the cost, the embarrassment, the humiliation, the loss of life, liberty. It doesn't need to be this way; There is Help~There is Hope

So, the next time you read the newspaper see if you can find the "bottle in the picture." Let us know what you come up with~

Addiction: How Can We Be So Blind???

Did you hear about the 22 year-old guy in Sumter, S.C. who gunned down three trick-or-treaters who came knocking at his door Halloween night, killing one and injuring the other two? He used an assault rifle, firing "at least 29 shots" according to the AP report. The perpetrator claims he thought he was being robbed. I need not read any further to know "there is a bottle in this picture" (if you don't know what this means, stay tuned for tomorrow's blog post). And, I was not disappointed, for the article confirmed my suspicion . . . "a felon with multiple drug convictions . . ." Only 22 years of age and already this man is a felon with multiple drug convictions. (not arrests; Convictions) This guy is in deep with drugs and has been for some time. What do you think the likelihood is that he's an addict?

Okay, that explains him, but where is his family when this young man is running amok with his drugs? Well, brother is doing a dance with co-dependency. We know this because brother tells the reporter that he thinks his brother's violent rampage is caused by "post traumatic stress" from a robbery last December. Huh???? Couldn't be all the drugs he is taking, could it?? Nahhhhhhh. What about other family members; where are they? What do you think they are thinking? Do you think they see a connection between drugs and this violent outburst?

And, the police . . . what's up with them? The Police Chief acknowledges this guy's history with drugs, but says she didn't think he was under the influence at the time of the shootings. I hope they did a tox screen. But, even if this man was not technically under the influence at the time of the shootings, can she truly not think they played any part in this violent act regardless of his toxicity level at the time of the incident??? Does she have any idea what drugs do to a person's thinking even when they aren't loaded?

And, what about society?? Do you think people at large, if they give this any thought at all, will see the connection between this crime and drugs? Society will place blame (at least a good part of it) for this incident on the availability of assault weapons or buy into the PTSD excuse or pin it on some other something . . . anything but the glaring reality of drug addiction.

How can all of these people, society included, be so blind? How could this "problem" have gone on for so long, been known to so many people and been missed, underestimated, ignored, transcended, misdiagnosed or whatever? Bottom line . . . the boat was missed. What could have been done? What should have been done? Could professional help for this family specifically relating to drug addiction helped? Who should be responsible (oh, how we all hate that word) for initiating it? What do you think?

The good news: There is help through professional intervention . . . BEFORE the police get involved, before lives are lost. Intervention can lead to treatment, to help . . . for this man, for his family. I suspect this had never been done in this case; if it had, it would have been mentioned in the article. Families don't have to let it get this bad. Look at the lives that would have been saved, the destruction that would have been spared.

What is sad here is that if this issue had been addressed aggressively, seriously and appropriately looooooooooong ago things very well might have been different. They couldn't have been any worse! Please, if you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or drugs, don't wait; call for help today,(415) 717-3675.

Early Recovery from Addiction: Why Do We Expect it Not to Feel Bad?

Why do addicts, alcoholics and their families have this delusional idea that the early stages of recovery should be anything different than the early stages of recovery from most other diseases? Perhaps it is because they have had to suffer so much to get them into recovery in the first place. Okay . . . that said, should this mean that since they've suffered so dreadfully in order to reach recovery's doorstep that the trauma of early stage recovery simply doesn't happen for them as it does with other diseases? Well, no not exactly, but early recovery from other diseases isn't as bad they think. Well, let's see.

Take a woman diagnosed with breast cancer. One day she is looking great, feeling fine, working hard, raising her three children, being a good wife to a good husband. Life couldn't be better. Oh, and she has all her hair. That day, she gets the results of her mammogram. "We've discovered something; you need to schedule a biopsy." Fast forward . . . "It's malignant; we recommend a mastectomy." Six weeks later, this healthy good looking woman who was working hard, raising her family has now undergone major surgery and is slated for chemotherapy and radiation treatments. She feels bad and she now has scars on her once scar-free body. Twelve weeks later she has no hair. Before the year is out she will have more side-effects from the chemo and radiation treatments she has undergone. This is a year from hell. But, she knew it would be and so did her family. They didn't expect it to be easy or fun. In fact, they expected quite the contrary and they prepared for it. And, during that first year after her diagnosis, they ALL did what they needed to do to treat this disease. This woman may have continued working during her chemo and radiation treatments. Many do. She continued to take care of her family, her home, her children. Her husband pitched in and so did the kids. They learned about her disease and the effects it was going to have on her and on all of them. They all made adjustments. During this year, the woman continued to live her life and take care of her disease and treatment for it. Even with all her family and work obligations, she kept her chemo and radiation treatment appointments, she found time for the surgery and the recovery, she made her doctors appointments, she rested when she was tired. And, she still managed to work, tend her family and have a life.

Many, if not most, addicts, alcoholics and their families do not have such realistic expectations of their early recovery from addiction. How many times have you heard an addict say that they don't have time to go to meetings, work with a sponsor, etc.... because they have to work? You don't hear cancer patients saying they don't have time for their chemo treatments or doctor appointments. How many times have you heard addicts, alcoholics or their families say after 3 months of recovery, "I feel worse now than before, this is too hard, forget it"? You don't hear that coming from cancer patients. They keep doing what they need to do for their recovery, whatever it takes.

The next time you hear the moanings of early recovering addicts or their families, think of the cancer patient. Getting professional consult regarding early recovery is an option to consider, not just for the addict/alcoholic but for the family as well. It will ease the struggle, enhance the recovery process and put into perspective some very unrealistic expectations.

Addiction and Recovery: Trick or Treat?

Happy Halloween One and All~

In honor of this day, I began thinking about how addiction and recovery relate to this theme.

Addiction: Trick or Treat? Well, at first we might see the drinking and drugging as great fun . . . . a way to relax, unwind with friends, cut loose. As the addiction advances it turns from a treat to an awful trick. Hung over . . . oy . . . trick. Made a fool of ourselves . . . oyyyy . . . trick. Written up at work due to poor job performance undeniably caused by drinking/drugging . . . . oyyyyyyyyy . . . trick. Drunk driving arrest . . . Big Oy . . . bad, bad trick. Vehicular manslaughter . . . BIG BIG OY . . . Irrecoverable trick.

Recovery: Trick or Treat? Recovery is supposed to be a good thing, right? Make us and our families feel and act better, right? Well, sadly, recovery usually doesn't start off like that. I talked about the trauma of it in yesterday's post. It is a chore, a change, a challenge, psychologically and emotionally painful. Seems like the whole process is one bad trick after another. This is compounded by the delusion that recovery should make us feel better and make things around us easier right away, or at least quickly. How depressing when it doesn't. Add to this a relapse, perhaps. At this point, the poor addict and their family are thinking that this recovery business is really not all that it is cracked up to be. They want to give up, throw in the towel, walk away in anger, frustration and despair. However, if they just keep at it, give it time, put forth the effort and seek outside help recovery becomes a treat. Just as time turned our drinking and drugging from a treat to a bad trick, time turns recovery from a trick into a wonderful treat. Weird how it works . . . or is it?

Got any of your own stories to tell? Please . . . chime in and share them. Who knows whose spirit you might touch~

The Economics of Family Intervention

No doubt about it, we are upon hard economic times and people all across the country are tightening their belts. But, is it money wisely saved to skimp on treating the disease of addiction? Should families save their pennies and wait for the economy to brighten before tackling this nasty family illness? Or, should they use their money to address the disease and heal?

Some Basic Facts:

Fact: The disease does not slow down because the economy does.
Fact: Ignoring, transcending or denying the disease costs families money.
Fact: Expensive and nasty consequences from the disease WILL happen.
Fact: Costly consequences will continue to happen until the disease is treated.
Fact: Money spent on consequences does nothing to address the disease itself.
Fact: Families can choose; spend money on consequences . . . or spend it on help.

Intervention and treatment of addictive disease is largely not covered by insurance like cancer, heart disease and other illnesses are. But, understanding that the disease is robbing the pocketbook through consequences that we can not control, doesn't it make sense to proactively stop the financial bleeding ourselves? The old saying, "You have to spend to save" could not ring more true than with this disease. The best news: you save more than money when you spend it on addiction help.

California Prop 5: Addiction Treatment or Get out of Jail Free Card?

Hear all the buzz around Prop 5? Addiction is a disease; treat it, don't punish it. Treatment saves money and lives. Addicts are sick, not bad people. Drug dealers are criminals killing our children and need to be behind bars. Letting dealers off the hook with lighter sentences is not the answer.
Political rhetoric aside there are certain inalienable truths about addiction, treatment and recovery. Addiction IS a disease. It is treatable. Most of those needing treatment don't get it (the why's are for another blog post). Intervention, treatment and recovery save lives and money. But, drug dealers are criminals. Their product kills. Many are not addicts themselves; they are just "business people." Drunk drivers are criminals. Their actions kill. Are they the same? Should they receive the same punishment? Should they be punished at all?
Better question . . . Why do families wait until this point? Why hasn't someone close to the addict gotten professional help for this DISEASE long before the criminal charges start piling up? Try this on for size . . . if someone had taken the time, effort and interest to intervene professionally, gotten the help they and their loved one needed the criminal charges could have been avoided altogether in most situations. Does intervention save lives? Absolutely. Does it save money??? ABSOLUTELY. Does it save things money can't buy? ABSOLUTELY to the n'th power!!!
There are good, well-reasoned arguments on both sides of the Prop 5 debate. But, isn't a better solution one where families seek professional help themselves and intervene rather than waiting for the police and courts to do so?
You will have the opportunity to voice your opinion in the ballot box soon. Until then, care to let us know what you think here??

Serenity on Mount Tamalpais

Just north of San Francisco's Golden Gate is Mount Tamalpais. It has redwood groves and oak woodlands with a spectacular view from the 2,571-foot peak.

Addiction and Money

Most of us think of money as a powerful, effective tool. We like it, we need it, we work for it. We use it for fun and necessities. But, consider this . . . can it ever be harmful?
For addicts, alcoholics and their loving families, many times money can not only be a detriment, it can be deadly. Sometimes I think of it as the Great Eraser. Arrested? Money pays the bail, fines, lawyer . . . erase . . . problem gone. Marital problems? Money pays the lawyer, buys a new house to live in, new car to make you feel good . . . erase . . problem gone. Business difficulties? Money pays off disgruntled clients, business associates, various creditors and others breathing down our necks . . . erase . . . problem gone.
Reality check: Problem not gone. Problem just postponed or moved to a different venue or person.
The only time money is an alcoholic, addict or their family's friend is when it is used to treat the real problem, the addiction, and not used in imaginary attempts to erase it.

Intervention? What if the Family Doesn't Agree?

John's life is a mess and the family knows it. They've discussed the problems ad nauseum . . . his recent firing, wife left him, kids won't speak to him, his depression, his latest arrest . . . oh, the list goes on. Someone in the family notes his drinking or drugging. It's the problem they claim. But, the rest of the family is unsure. Is it that big? Does it have any bearing on the other problems in his life?? If so, how much? The family is at odds. One or two people think the drinking/drugging is a big problem, perhaps THE problem. Others don't agree or are unsure. What now?

Ask yourself this . . . is John's drinking ever a topic of concern or discussion in this family? Has it ever played a role in any of his problems? If so, it is significant enough to warrant consideration as the main culprit in John's life difficulties. A short phone consult can give you and your family more answers and insight. In all likelihood you will find yourselves on the same page and able to move forward in the appropriate direction. That direction may NOT be intervention, but you will do so with professional input and guidance.

Intervention! Who Decides?

When a person's drinking, drugging or other addiction becomes a problem who is it who decides to do a professional family intervention? Is it the person closest to the addict/alcoholic (a spouse or parent), a friend or a more distant relative? Is it one person or a group?

The answer is that anyone can decide to start or investigate the intervention process. Generally, it is someone close to the alcoholic/addict although sometimes it is someone more distant (a therapist, clergy member, doctor, lawyer, co-worker or colleague) who suggests the idea to a closer family member who then picks up the ball and runs with it. A commonly held belief is that the whole family group has to be in agreement before the process can even be broached. This is not so and it rarely is. It simply takes one person willing to investigate the option. From here, if others in the family group are willing to learn about professional intervention and engage a short consult with an interventionist, they can quickly learn if intervention is an appropriate option for their situation. If it is, one person generally spearheads the process and the group is on their way. It is not uncommon for people to have fears and doubts around the process, but with guidance all of this is overcome.

So, know this: It is a myth that everyone in the family system has to agree before professional intervention can be considered. It just takes one person to get the ball rolling. With professional help others are educated and join in and the momentum to move from pain to solution is started.

But, what happens if the family is not in agreement as to what the "real" problem is? What role does the alcoholic/addict's attitude have on the intervention process? Stay tuned for answers to these questions.

Relapse and Help with Addiction

The news abounds with stars that relapse. Most recently it was Mackenzie Philips. She is a bright, talented woman with all the trappings of success. Still, she battles this disease like so many. Relapses are always sad. Many don't make it back to health. I was contacted by a family regarding a family member who recently suffered a relapse. After a couple of weeks of thinking about going forward with services to help her they have decided that she needs to deal with some physical problems first and is getting psychological help for a divorce. Also, she has not had any "episodes" for a couple of weeks so things are "better." If they need help, they'll call again. Do you think their loved one needs help now? Do you think her alcoholism has gone away? Is it advisable to wait for another "consequence" to manifest before doing something? Do we get to pick our consequences? Do you think Mackenzie Philips picked hers? What consequence do you think it is they are waiting for? Do you think it likely they will call back or that when the next consequence manifests they will try to deal with "it" rather than the root problem which is addiction?

The disease doesn't come and go like colds do. It is a chronic condition. Sadly, the really noticeable outward symptoms can submerge when the spotlight on them gets too hot. In this case, the family will deal with the physical problems and the divorce, but not the real problem. But, the problems will appear again, usually worse than the last time. They will pop up in a different disguise, but make no mistake, the root is the addiction. It happens to those with fame and those without. Alcoholics and addicts don't get to pick their consequences. The consequences pick them. When people wait to get help they run a huge risk . . . the risk of expensive (yes, this will cost Mackenzie a pretty penny, but what the heck, she can afford it, right?), career-halting or interrupting (she's had that before), embarrassing (oh, who cares, arrests are no big deal these days, right?) consequences. But, an even bigger risk is the risk of an unrecoverable consequence. We don't get to choose. Sadly, the addict is generally unable to help themselves (that's part of the disease). When those around the addict don't see the disease or a relapse for what it is and come to their aid (not through enabling, but through professional help) it is even more sad.

Help is available. If you don't seek help through ARCS, please seek help somewhere. You and your family don't have to wait for tragic and unavoidable consequences to find you.

Addiction Chicken or Egg?

Which comes first . . . the addiction or the problems? Put another way, does the addiction cause the problems or do the problems cause the addiction? It's a simple matter of cause and effect, but sadly, most every alcoholic, addict and their family members have this backwards until they get into recovery. Believing that the problems are the root of the addiction (most can't even see that it is an addiction, but that is a topic for another time), they cling to the old songs . . . "I drink, drug, etc because . . . . ." The list is endless; "my wife doesn't love me", "my job is so stressful", "I have physical pain", "I'm depressed" and on and on it goes. Always there are assurances to themselves and others that when they fix this problem (whatever it is) they will get their addiction (whatever it is) under control. Doesn't happen. Addiction is loss of control. You don't get it back, but many die trying. In the meantime, they and their families are put through a meat grinder.

Problems in the addicted person's life and the life of their loved ones are caused by the addiction or, at the very least, are exacerbated by the addiction. Deal with the addiction and the problems begin to get better or go away entirely. Wow! Now, that is something to have hope around.

Need help? Call (415) 717-3675 for information on addiction and intervetion options.