Intervention: Gift of a Lifetime

Another year is rapidly coming to a close, the holidays are fast approaching. The "problem" is still here . . . addiction. It comes in various forms, no two families are the same. For some it is alcohol, others it is drugs, others it is gambling, sex, internet, food, spending. For still others it is a combination of these. Regardless, the frustration, despair, chaos, anxiety, anger is all as large as life. Periods of calm are always replaced by another "incident." Another year and nothing has changed. And, we promised ourselves it would get better.

You are not alone in putting off intervention. For most families professional intervention is the last stop, the resource they are forced into using when there is nothing else left. Sadly, they don't realize what a gift systemic intervention is. That's right, a gift! It is the greatest gift a family can give itself and its loved ones. To learn what this gift has to offer or talk to others who have experienced its rewards, please call.

Intervention Fears: How Realistic Are They?

Every call I receive contains many spoken and unspoken negative feelings and emotions . . . anger, doubt, sadness, despair, anxiety. The biggest one is fear, the underlying taproot of all the others. Fear of what? Well, fear of everything. Fear of what I might tell them, fear of over-reacting to the situation, fear of their loved one's response, fear of the unknown, fear of the process, fear of the cost, fear of other people in the family, fear of. . . . you name it. Are the fears real? Absolutely. If it's your fear, it's very real. The question, however, is not are the fears real, but are the fears realistic? Most of the time they are not. That is the good news.

The bad news is getting the caller to believe me. Oh, my God. When one fear is addressed the justifications for another are trotted out. Get rid of that one and another is marched forth. It's endless; way too much to go into in one blog post. So, let me address one of the biggest and most common ones; fear of their loved one's response to an intervention. He or she will be so angry they will never speak to me again . . . Or, he or she will run away, they lament. I've facilitated innumerable interventions over the years and this has never happened. Not once. Why? Because there is nothing to run away from! The interventions I facilitate are all invitational, so running away is a non-issue. As far as never speaking again . . . it's quite the opposite. They come, they speak. And, they speak respectfully, because it is a respectful process. And, they learn. In large part what they learn is that their family cares SO much for them that they faced this fear and walked through it anyway. Their family cares SO much for them they hired help. Their family cares SO much for them they put aside their lives to assemble for a 2-day workshop. Their family cares SO much about them that they risked their loved one's hate, scorn, contempt, anger, rudeness and withholding of love to intervene anyway. As the process unfolds, this becomes undeniably clear, even to someone screwed up on drugs and alcohol. The impact . . . very powerful.

Are the fears real? Yes, indeed. So is the overwhelming love of a family that would go to the lengths to put together an intervention. Are the fears realistic? No. What is realistic is the hope a family can realize when they get help.

Don't let your fears bind you . . . or worse. Reach out for help. It is there, waiting.

There is Help ~ There is Hope

Election Day: The Power of Choice

Today is election day! Regardless of the outcome, today will be an historic one in our country. The right to vote, in essence the right to choose, is a powerful privilege. Not everyone has this privilege and those who don't suffer.

Addiction takes from addicts and their families many things . . . relationships, reputation, marriages, money, jobs, freedom, health. The first thing it takes is the addict's ability to choose. The ability to say "no" to alcohol or drugs and mean it reliably, consistently and permanently is gone despite escalating and increasingly devastating consequences. Recovery restores that.

At the polls today I expressed my choice. I also expressed gratitude for my right to do that and for my restoration of choice vis-a-vis alcohol and drugs.

If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or drugs, please choose to get help. If you don't seek help here, please get it somewhere.

These is Help ~ There is Hope

Can You Find the Bottle (Addiction) in This Picture?

In yesterday's post about the newspaper article on the tragic shooting in South Carolina I said "there is a bottle in this picture." What this means is that when I read an article or hear a news story, if it has crazy, outlandish, bizarre, whacked-out behavior associated with it, I just know that there has to be drugs and/or alcohol involved. "The bottle" refers to the booze or the drugs and is my euphemism for them. Here's what I mean . . .

We all know that alcohol and drug addictions cause people to do crazy things, think crazy thoughts, rack up outrageous consequences. Most of this madness is confined to a private level. However, when a person's thinking, acting and behaving get completely "out of control" it often makes headlines. Most people don't do outrageous things. So, when you read an article or hear a story on the news detailing something completely crazy, totally "over the top", really bizarre . . . just look for the bottle in the picture. You will find it most of the time.

Here are a few headlines that unequivocally and publicly shout addiction:

“Pilot allegedly tried to fly drunk”
“Man in car died of intoxication”
“Man with prior DUI’s charged with a third”
“Funeral director spent clients’ money on strippers”
“School bus driver charged with drunken driving”
“Drunk driver gets 25 years in fatal crash”
"Ecstasy overdose fatal”
“Parents test positive for meth in family drowning”

Often the headlines are not so obvious, but when you read the body of the article, 9 times out of 10 it will mention alcohol or drugs, thus verifying your suspicion. Here is a sampling:

“Woman charged for allegedly ramming wheelchair-bound mom”
“Man claims rage caused wife’s death”
“Woman arrested in cemetery incident”
“Girl called for help minutes before murder-suicide”
“Pair who fled wrong way on freeway still at large”
“80-year old pleads guilty to attacking wife of 60 years with hammer”
“Panhandler arrested for allegedly kicking dog”
“Man allegedly left to die on windshield”
“Woman charged after fight over crying baby”
“2 plead not guilty in horse’s death”
“Man escapes charges after flowerpot fracas”

In this second set of articles, alcohol or drugs were specifically mentioned somewhere in the story.

So, how do I come to the conclusion that alcohol or drugs were involved in these stories simply by reading the headlines? Think about it. Sober people don't do these things!!! Seriously. Do you know any sober person who rams her wheel-chair bound mother? Who leaves someone to die on their windshield? Who gets arrested in a cemetery incident? No. And, neither do I. Common sense and the law of averages tell me there is a bottle in the picture.

Even scarier than these stories is knowing that there are people who know these people. There are people that know these people have a problem with alcohol or drugs. It's sad that it reaches this level without a friend or family member intervening to help and intervening in a way that is most likely to succeed in helping. Think of the cost, the embarrassment, the humiliation, the loss of life, liberty. It doesn't need to be this way; There is Help~There is Hope

So, the next time you read the newspaper see if you can find the "bottle in the picture." Let us know what you come up with~

Early Recovery from Addiction: Why Do We Expect it Not to Feel Bad?

Why do addicts, alcoholics and their families have this delusional idea that the early stages of recovery should be anything different than the early stages of recovery from most other diseases? Perhaps it is because they have had to suffer so much to get them into recovery in the first place. Okay . . . that said, should this mean that since they've suffered so dreadfully in order to reach recovery's doorstep that the trauma of early stage recovery simply doesn't happen for them as it does with other diseases? Well, no not exactly, but early recovery from other diseases isn't as bad they think. Well, let's see.

Take a woman diagnosed with breast cancer. One day she is looking great, feeling fine, working hard, raising her three children, being a good wife to a good husband. Life couldn't be better. Oh, and she has all her hair. That day, she gets the results of her mammogram. "We've discovered something; you need to schedule a biopsy." Fast forward . . . "It's malignant; we recommend a mastectomy." Six weeks later, this healthy good looking woman who was working hard, raising her family has now undergone major surgery and is slated for chemotherapy and radiation treatments. She feels bad and she now has scars on her once scar-free body. Twelve weeks later she has no hair. Before the year is out she will have more side-effects from the chemo and radiation treatments she has undergone. This is a year from hell. But, she knew it would be and so did her family. They didn't expect it to be easy or fun. In fact, they expected quite the contrary and they prepared for it. And, during that first year after her diagnosis, they ALL did what they needed to do to treat this disease. This woman may have continued working during her chemo and radiation treatments. Many do. She continued to take care of her family, her home, her children. Her husband pitched in and so did the kids. They learned about her disease and the effects it was going to have on her and on all of them. They all made adjustments. During this year, the woman continued to live her life and take care of her disease and treatment for it. Even with all her family and work obligations, she kept her chemo and radiation treatment appointments, she found time for the surgery and the recovery, she made her doctors appointments, she rested when she was tired. And, she still managed to work, tend her family and have a life.

Many, if not most, addicts, alcoholics and their families do not have such realistic expectations of their early recovery from addiction. How many times have you heard an addict say that they don't have time to go to meetings, work with a sponsor, etc.... because they have to work? You don't hear cancer patients saying they don't have time for their chemo treatments or doctor appointments. How many times have you heard addicts, alcoholics or their families say after 3 months of recovery, "I feel worse now than before, this is too hard, forget it"? You don't hear that coming from cancer patients. They keep doing what they need to do for their recovery, whatever it takes.

The next time you hear the moanings of early recovering addicts or their families, think of the cancer patient. Getting professional consult regarding early recovery is an option to consider, not just for the addict/alcoholic but for the family as well. It will ease the struggle, enhance the recovery process and put into perspective some very unrealistic expectations.

The Economics of Family Intervention

No doubt about it, we are upon hard economic times and people all across the country are tightening their belts. But, is it money wisely saved to skimp on treating the disease of addiction? Should families save their pennies and wait for the economy to brighten before tackling this nasty family illness? Or, should they use their money to address the disease and heal?

Some Basic Facts:

Fact: The disease does not slow down because the economy does.
Fact: Ignoring, transcending or denying the disease costs families money.
Fact: Expensive and nasty consequences from the disease WILL happen.
Fact: Costly consequences will continue to happen until the disease is treated.
Fact: Money spent on consequences does nothing to address the disease itself.
Fact: Families can choose; spend money on consequences . . . or spend it on help.

Intervention and treatment of addictive disease is largely not covered by insurance like cancer, heart disease and other illnesses are. But, understanding that the disease is robbing the pocketbook through consequences that we can not control, doesn't it make sense to proactively stop the financial bleeding ourselves? The old saying, "You have to spend to save" could not ring more true than with this disease. The best news: you save more than money when you spend it on addiction help.