Intervention: What Role Does the Alcoholic/Addict Play?

So, the family is in agreement . . . their loved one's drinking, drugging, what-have-you . . . is out of control and they need help. They are now on the phone with an interventionist citing chapter and verse the litany of consequences that have lead to this call. And, then the following dialogue ensues:

"You are ready now to do an intervention", the interventionist states.
"Well, no because our loved one 'isn't ready'", comes the retort.
"Precisely; that is why the professional intervention. If your loved one were ready to get help you wouldn't be calling, right?"
"No, "you don't get it; he has to be willing to get help and he isn't."

If this circular thinking has you or those you know in its trap you are not alone. Many people cling to it for dear life . . . you can't help them until they are ready. The good news for families . . . . this myth is dead wrong.

The real issue is who decides when to do the intervention? Who is it who has to be "ready?"

The answers are the same . . . the family. More simply, just one individual within the family needs to be willing to lead the way. Believe me, the others will follow. The myth is that the alcoholic/addict has to be "ready"; the reality is that it is the family system that has to be ready. The alcoholic/addict will only become ready when the family is AND leads the way. Professional help is the preferred way to go, thus intervention.

You decide . . .

All in a Day, the 2-minute rule.

Have you ever really thought about how much can be accomplished in just a day? It can be quite a lot, actually, and for the most part it happens without seeming to think about it. Errands here and there, work, meals, phone calls, being there for a friend, taking the dog for a walk. The list goes on. And, the thoughts we have around what we do before we do it. It's said we have an incredible number of thoughts each day, something like 4,000 . . . . or 40,000 . . . or some number equally as unreal. Who figured that out? Anyway, that said, from the big to the small we can do a lot in a day. Or, we can let the day slip by. A day never to come again. A well-organized Type-A friend of mine has a 2-minute rule. If you can do something in 2 minutes or less, do it now so you don't have to come back to it later. He's quite efficient, sickeningly so sometimes. But, he gets a lot done and he is upbeat about it. He welcomes challenges and "things to do." I do, too . . . including taking time to savor the things I've done.

What about you?

Not Ready for Intervention?

A friend called me the other day after talking with a friend of his. “My friend’s sister is being destroyed by meth”, he said. “He wants to do something to help her, but his parents say they’ve talked with her and she’s ‘not ready’ so they are going to wait.” My friend suggested to his friend that his friend’s parents consider intervention. He said they think it won’t do any good until the sister is ready.

My heart hurts for this family and for their addicted loved one. “If they wait until they think she is ‘ready’ it may be too late”, I replied sadly. “They are just hoping she will get ‘ready’ on her own so they won’t need to do anything” my friend retorted. He knows the family is hoping for an easy way out, to not have to tackle this problem head on, to have their daughter realize her problem and take steps on her own. He knows they don’t want to spend the money or time on intervention, they are just hoping the issue goes away. My friend knows the world of addiction. He also knows the benefit of intervention. You see, my friend is an addict whose family loved him enough to professionally intervene when he wasn’t “ready.” He knows that if the family had waited for him to be ready he would probably be dead. He credits his family with saving his life and he is grateful for the courage it took for them to get help.

Like mine, his heart hurts. But, like the disease of addiction, he is patient and knows that he will be hearing from his friend again.

Restaurant Humor

After a lovely dinner at a nice eatery in San Francisco with two therapist friends, our young waiter came by to inquire if we wanted dessert. "What do you have?" one us posed. The young man quickly began to recite the selections when he came to the last one, an ice cream taste-tempter with "cocaine sha . . ." to which I quickly jumped in "Cocaine?? That was a Freudian slip!!!" and then promptly burst out laughing. He caught himself and said "I mean Coconut . . . Coconut shavings." Yes, indeed. Fowled up by the coconut. I just couldn't let it go and said with a huge grin, "We'll all take that one!" A quit whit he had and replied, "It will keep you up all night!!" By this time everyone was howling.

We all wound up ordering the flourless chocolate cake and when he returned, still smiling from the experience, one of my pals said "I have to tell you that 2 of us are addiction therapists and have worked at a local treatment center; my friend here (pointing to me) is an interventionist." The young man smiled broadly and said, "My sister has 5 years in the program."

When placed our bill on the table he laughed again and said "Thanks, ladies. I took one of the desserts off for you!"

Bless his heart~

Spring: A Time of Change

Spring is a time of abundant change. Everywhere we look things are different with each passing day; lawns, gardens (and yes, weeds) are growing like crazy, the weather is warming, days are getting longer, flowers and trees are blooming. Spring is also a time when we humans do a lot of changing. It is a time when we feel more alive and burst forth with new resolve and energy, tackling issues that have been sitting dormant during the cold winter months . . . or maybe even years. Health in general, and recovery in particular, are no exception. Those who are in recovery might decide to work the steps again or take in more recovery-related activities and commitments. Sometimes they decide to tackle collateral issues that have plagued them for a long time, i.e. quit smoking, start exercising, eat healthier. Families that have been troubled with a loved one's alcoholism or addiction decide "now is the time" and commit as a family to getting outside help. If you are in recovery, have you ever noticed how many "birthdays" there are during the spring? Hmmm . . . . .

If you've been thinking about change in your life, perhaps now is the time!

How to Find an Interventionist

Are you concerned about a loved one who is spiraling out of control with the use of alcohol and/or drugs? Perhaps you have heard of intervention or someone you know has recommended it to you. But you don't know any interventionists? Where do you start? How do you find someone? How do you know if they are competent?

The best source of referral is a personal one or one obtained from a reputable professional source, often a treatment center. The web is also a source, but it does not come with a personal recommendation.

Once you have located someone, now what? Start with finding out which model they utilize. Does it sound like the model you wish to have utilized in your situation? Does the interventionist travel? Talk with the interventionist and you will get a feel for how you "connect." Ask questions. Are you comfortable with this person and the answers you are getting? If so, you can ask for professional and personal references.

Do not make price or location of the interventionist the primary criteria. Good, private, independent interventionists travel. The person you hire to conduct this very important process should be someone you are comfortable with who is willing and able to give you the highest quality service.

Good Luck!

Alice Tanner
Interventionist
Get Help Now 415-717-3675