Controlling Destiny or Destiny Controlling?

There are a few favorite sayings that I like because they put in a nutshell a truism. For example, "What isn't measured isn't managed"; "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." Some sayings sound good, but are either not true or are bad advice, such as "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"; "AA is like a smorgasbord . . . take what you like and leave the rest."

Then we have sayings or philosophies like "We control our own destinies." True? Or not? Are we the masters of our own fate? Completely? Or are some things out of our control?

Here's my take . . . There are some things we can control to a certain degree . . . where we live, who we marry, our honesty and integrity. Other things we control much of the time, but not all of the time . . . where we work, what college we attend. Some things are completely out of our control . . . natural disasters, how other people will treat us. I believe that choices we make have an impact on outcomes and, in to that degree, we do have some control over our destinies. For example, if a person studies hard, get good grades, that person will have a better chance of getting into the college of their choice. There are no guarantees, but the odds are greatly improved. The friends we choose and how we treat them will impact our futures in a positive or negative way. Is there an exact science to all of this, a certainty? Of course not. But, better choices lead to better results. So, in that way, I do believe we have some control over our destinies.

Addiction robs people of this. Addicts routinely make bad choices over and over. Life happens to them rather than the other way around. They become "victims" of consequences. Life gets "out of control" the more the disease advances and not surprisingly. Addiction, after all, is a disease of "loss of control."

If people want to have some impact on their destiny, some say in where they want life to take them, to have some control, a good place to start is by getting help for any addiction that ails them. This goes for the co-dependents as well. Then, rather than destiny controlling us we have some say in controlling our own futures.

What do you think?

Addiction: How Can We Be So Blind???

Did you hear about the 22 year-old guy in Sumter, S.C. who gunned down three trick-or-treaters who came knocking at his door Halloween night, killing one and injuring the other two? He used an assault rifle, firing "at least 29 shots" according to the AP report. The perpetrator claims he thought he was being robbed. I need not read any further to know "there is a bottle in this picture" (if you don't know what this means, stay tuned for tomorrow's blog post). And, I was not disappointed, for the article confirmed my suspicion . . . "a felon with multiple drug convictions . . ." Only 22 years of age and already this man is a felon with multiple drug convictions. (not arrests; Convictions) This guy is in deep with drugs and has been for some time. What do you think the likelihood is that he's an addict?

Okay, that explains him, but where is his family when this young man is running amok with his drugs? Well, brother is doing a dance with co-dependency. We know this because brother tells the reporter that he thinks his brother's violent rampage is caused by "post traumatic stress" from a robbery last December. Huh???? Couldn't be all the drugs he is taking, could it?? Nahhhhhhh. What about other family members; where are they? What do you think they are thinking? Do you think they see a connection between drugs and this violent outburst?

And, the police . . . what's up with them? The Police Chief acknowledges this guy's history with drugs, but says she didn't think he was under the influence at the time of the shootings. I hope they did a tox screen. But, even if this man was not technically under the influence at the time of the shootings, can she truly not think they played any part in this violent act regardless of his toxicity level at the time of the incident??? Does she have any idea what drugs do to a person's thinking even when they aren't loaded?

And, what about society?? Do you think people at large, if they give this any thought at all, will see the connection between this crime and drugs? Society will place blame (at least a good part of it) for this incident on the availability of assault weapons or buy into the PTSD excuse or pin it on some other something . . . anything but the glaring reality of drug addiction.

How can all of these people, society included, be so blind? How could this "problem" have gone on for so long, been known to so many people and been missed, underestimated, ignored, transcended, misdiagnosed or whatever? Bottom line . . . the boat was missed. What could have been done? What should have been done? Could professional help for this family specifically relating to drug addiction helped? Who should be responsible (oh, how we all hate that word) for initiating it? What do you think?

The good news: There is help through professional intervention . . . BEFORE the police get involved, before lives are lost. Intervention can lead to treatment, to help . . . for this man, for his family. I suspect this had never been done in this case; if it had, it would have been mentioned in the article. Families don't have to let it get this bad. Look at the lives that would have been saved, the destruction that would have been spared.

What is sad here is that if this issue had been addressed aggressively, seriously and appropriately looooooooooong ago things very well might have been different. They couldn't have been any worse! Please, if you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or drugs, don't wait; call for help today,(415) 717-3675.