Intervention is Only a Start

I was having coffee with a friend of mine from Southern California this afternoon and we got to talking about intervention, treatment and recovery. We both are in the field of addiction recovery; he has been in this business for over 30 years. We both agreed that intervention and treatment are mere beginnings, a bridge if you will, to recovery. Recovery is long-term . . . a lifelong process if we are lucky. Intervention and treatment are short-term, the start of this lifelong journey. Comparatively, they are simple and easy when you stack them up against long-term recovery. Staying sober in a facility is not hard. The real challenge begins when addicts and alcoholics leave treatment.

Sadly, most don't make it . . . at least not the first time. They relapse, usually within the first year. Those who are most likely to do so are easy to spot. They are the ones who don't follow their discharge plans, don't follow them fully, completely and with vigor. They are the ones who want to rush back to a "normal" life, however they define that. It's madness. They have sunk to a place of such desperation and illness that they need to be in treatment for at least 30 days and then they want to fly on their own, unaided professionally, making their own decisions, picking and choosing what discharge recommendations they will follow expecting that they have the ability to do this successfully. What?? Typically, they will not go to the meetings recommended for the length of time recommended. They won't go to extended care or an SLE or if they do they won't go for the length of time recommended. They will want to get back to work or get a job if they weren't working before treatment and they will want to work long hours to make up for lost time and fill their damaged bank accounts. Then they are too busy to go to meetings. They won't engage in monitoring if that has been recommended. They begin to see recovery as a "waste of time" because they are now so busy. They might engage in some of the discharge recommendations, but not all of them. They pick and choose which ones they will do like it is a smorgasbord.

This almost always spells relapse. It is as predictable as April showers. Families are often complicit in their addict's unwillingness to do everything recommended instead urging them to get "back to a normal life", to engage in the things that normal healthy people do because that is what their loved ones so desperately want to see (normal, healthy behavior), thus bolstering their hope that their loved one is really "okay."

When the relapse comes, as it inevitably does under these circumstances, they are all dismayed and surprised. "Treatment didn't work", they claim. "Twelve step programs don't work, either", they go on. Not so. These things do work and there is living proof around us every day that they do. As my friend quite correctly pointed out, "It's not the 12 steps do the work, it is we who need to work the steps."

A final comment: it is naive and unrealistic to think that this very ill person can go from the cocoon of treatment where they are getting 24/7 care and regimentation back to an environment with no professional support, guidance or structure and expect to make it. Those who fare best will be those who continue with professional help, guidance and structure of some sort.

There is Help~There is Hope

Intervention: Changing Directions Before It's Too Late

If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed~ Chinese Proverb

Makes sense, doesn't it? Addiction intervention is all about changing direction. It is about changing direction as a family, changing direction regarding health and wellness. Systemic Family Intervention is an open invitation to all, including the loved one you are concerned about, to embrace an opportunity to transform . . . to heal and grow in a different direction. It is not about minor little adjustments, it is about big changes, ones that are guided and supported as you go through this process. Addiction is not little; you know that. The changes necessary to deal with it will not be little either; you know that, intuitively. You know where you have come from. You know what you have done in the past has not worked. You know that the addiction is getting worse and your best efforts have not succeeded, or not succeeded for long.

Intervention is about changing direction before a consequence results from which you and your family can not recover. There are such consequences . . . the death of a loved one, a child perhaps, from drunken driving; death resulting from alcoholic or drug-fueled anger; permanent paralysis from an injury while under the influence. Yes, the proverb is right on . . . If you don't like where you are headed make a bold, healthy move and get help in intervening so that you can head in a direction that you really wish to go . . . before it is too late.

There is Help ~ There is Hope

Fear: Paralyzer or Motivator

In FDR's fist inaugural speech in 1933 he spoke these famous words, " . . . the only thing we have to fear is fear itself . . ." This country was in the depths of the Great Depression, a time that people who lived through it can recall with vivid anguish. FDR talked about fear "paralyzing" needed efforts. In this sense fear takes control and the tasks that need to be done are not done. Things only get worse, compounding the fear that is already out of control. But, is fear always a bad thing? Can it be, under certain circumstances, a motivator? Are there things we might not otherwise do but for fear?

When it comes to dealing with addiction fear starts off as a paralyzer. Families are slow to take action because they are afraid of what will happen, afraid of their loved one's response, afraid of what will be required of them in the process, afraid they are making too much of the situation, afraid of losing control and the list goes on. The longer they wait to get help, the worse the problem gets and the fear escalates. At some point, the pain of the consequences from the disease reach a stage where it is unbearable and a shift begins to occur. Fear starts to turn into a motivator. Families become afraid that their loved one will hurt themselves or someone else, that their loved one will die or kill someone else. They fear the loss of another job or another angry blow-up. They fear public humiliation and embarrassment. Fear now turns from paralyzing into motivating and turns inaction into action.

As FDR addressed the problems of the country and his plans for restoration, he stated "There are many ways in which it can be helped, but it can never be helped merely by talking about it. We must act and act quickly." The same words can be applied to the disease of addiction and the need for getting help. Act and act quickly. People would not wait to end the suffering of themselves or their loved one under any other circumstances. Why with this disease?

So, when fear strikes don't get stuck in paralysis. Instead, use this emotion to your advantage . . . to motivate your family into action.

There is Help ~ There is Hope

Early Recovery from Addiction: Why Do We Expect it Not to Feel Bad?

Why do addicts, alcoholics and their families have this delusional idea that the early stages of recovery should be anything different than the early stages of recovery from most other diseases? Perhaps it is because they have had to suffer so much to get them into recovery in the first place. Okay . . . that said, should this mean that since they've suffered so dreadfully in order to reach recovery's doorstep that the trauma of early stage recovery simply doesn't happen for them as it does with other diseases? Well, no not exactly, but early recovery from other diseases isn't as bad they think. Well, let's see.

Take a woman diagnosed with breast cancer. One day she is looking great, feeling fine, working hard, raising her three children, being a good wife to a good husband. Life couldn't be better. Oh, and she has all her hair. That day, she gets the results of her mammogram. "We've discovered something; you need to schedule a biopsy." Fast forward . . . "It's malignant; we recommend a mastectomy." Six weeks later, this healthy good looking woman who was working hard, raising her family has now undergone major surgery and is slated for chemotherapy and radiation treatments. She feels bad and she now has scars on her once scar-free body. Twelve weeks later she has no hair. Before the year is out she will have more side-effects from the chemo and radiation treatments she has undergone. This is a year from hell. But, she knew it would be and so did her family. They didn't expect it to be easy or fun. In fact, they expected quite the contrary and they prepared for it. And, during that first year after her diagnosis, they ALL did what they needed to do to treat this disease. This woman may have continued working during her chemo and radiation treatments. Many do. She continued to take care of her family, her home, her children. Her husband pitched in and so did the kids. They learned about her disease and the effects it was going to have on her and on all of them. They all made adjustments. During this year, the woman continued to live her life and take care of her disease and treatment for it. Even with all her family and work obligations, she kept her chemo and radiation treatment appointments, she found time for the surgery and the recovery, she made her doctors appointments, she rested when she was tired. And, she still managed to work, tend her family and have a life.

Many, if not most, addicts, alcoholics and their families do not have such realistic expectations of their early recovery from addiction. How many times have you heard an addict say that they don't have time to go to meetings, work with a sponsor, etc.... because they have to work? You don't hear cancer patients saying they don't have time for their chemo treatments or doctor appointments. How many times have you heard addicts, alcoholics or their families say after 3 months of recovery, "I feel worse now than before, this is too hard, forget it"? You don't hear that coming from cancer patients. They keep doing what they need to do for their recovery, whatever it takes.

The next time you hear the moanings of early recovering addicts or their families, think of the cancer patient. Getting professional consult regarding early recovery is an option to consider, not just for the addict/alcoholic but for the family as well. It will ease the struggle, enhance the recovery process and put into perspective some very unrealistic expectations.

Addiction and Recovery: Trick or Treat?

Happy Halloween One and All~

In honor of this day, I began thinking about how addiction and recovery relate to this theme.

Addiction: Trick or Treat? Well, at first we might see the drinking and drugging as great fun . . . . a way to relax, unwind with friends, cut loose. As the addiction advances it turns from a treat to an awful trick. Hung over . . . oy . . . trick. Made a fool of ourselves . . . oyyyy . . . trick. Written up at work due to poor job performance undeniably caused by drinking/drugging . . . . oyyyyyyyyy . . . trick. Drunk driving arrest . . . Big Oy . . . bad, bad trick. Vehicular manslaughter . . . BIG BIG OY . . . Irrecoverable trick.

Recovery: Trick or Treat? Recovery is supposed to be a good thing, right? Make us and our families feel and act better, right? Well, sadly, recovery usually doesn't start off like that. I talked about the trauma of it in yesterday's post. It is a chore, a change, a challenge, psychologically and emotionally painful. Seems like the whole process is one bad trick after another. This is compounded by the delusion that recovery should make us feel better and make things around us easier right away, or at least quickly. How depressing when it doesn't. Add to this a relapse, perhaps. At this point, the poor addict and their family are thinking that this recovery business is really not all that it is cracked up to be. They want to give up, throw in the towel, walk away in anger, frustration and despair. However, if they just keep at it, give it time, put forth the effort and seek outside help recovery becomes a treat. Just as time turned our drinking and drugging from a treat to a bad trick, time turns recovery from a trick into a wonderful treat. Weird how it works . . . or is it?

Got any of your own stories to tell? Please . . . chime in and share them. Who knows whose spirit you might touch~

Recovery's First Year: Trauma or Paradise?

After years of suffering, of enduring horrible consequences and personal decline the family finally gets their wish and their loved one enters treatment. Thirty, sixty, ninety days later . . . presto . . . out they come back into the family, back to "real" life. Everything is supposed to be great, right? No . . . that is unrealistic. Well then, how about at least better? No . . . sorry. In fact, things will undoubtedly be worse. "How can that be?", everyone cries. Because the family is in the midst of a thing called trauma.

Recovery results in major trauma to the family system. The addictive family system as it came to "be" during the addiction is now undergoing change and that change is massive and traumatic. The natural result of this trauma causes things to get worse before they get better. This might seem counter-intuitive, but it is not. Thus, a normal . . . yes, normal . . . part of recovery is things getting worse.

Do newly sober addicts/alcoholics and their families need help during this time? Yes, more than ever. They are all in a very vulnerable, tenuous and precarious place. Most relapses occur during the first year of sobriety. Many families break apart during this time because they are unable to weather the changes the system is undergoing. It seems unfair, doesn't it?? To endure the pain of getting sober only to endure more pain, the possible tearing apart of the family system that was still together in the addiction, albeit hanging by threads in very dysfunctional ways . . . it's just not fair. Like it or not, it is the way it is.

What can be done? Families are encouraged to get help during this time. Notice, I said "families." Addiction is a family disease. Recovery is a family process. It is not just the newly sober addict/alcoholic that needs help here. It is the whole family . . . the children, siblings, parents, friends . . . anyone close to the addict who weathered this awful storm. Is help like this available? Yes. Contact Addiction Recovery Consulting Services to discuss the Family Recovery Program and how it might work for your family. The call is free; the potential benefits . . . priceless.

California Prop 5: Addiction Treatment or Get out of Jail Free Card?

Hear all the buzz around Prop 5? Addiction is a disease; treat it, don't punish it. Treatment saves money and lives. Addicts are sick, not bad people. Drug dealers are criminals killing our children and need to be behind bars. Letting dealers off the hook with lighter sentences is not the answer.
Political rhetoric aside there are certain inalienable truths about addiction, treatment and recovery. Addiction IS a disease. It is treatable. Most of those needing treatment don't get it (the why's are for another blog post). Intervention, treatment and recovery save lives and money. But, drug dealers are criminals. Their product kills. Many are not addicts themselves; they are just "business people." Drunk drivers are criminals. Their actions kill. Are they the same? Should they receive the same punishment? Should they be punished at all?
Better question . . . Why do families wait until this point? Why hasn't someone close to the addict gotten professional help for this DISEASE long before the criminal charges start piling up? Try this on for size . . . if someone had taken the time, effort and interest to intervene professionally, gotten the help they and their loved one needed the criminal charges could have been avoided altogether in most situations. Does intervention save lives? Absolutely. Does it save money??? ABSOLUTELY. Does it save things money can't buy? ABSOLUTELY to the n'th power!!!
There are good, well-reasoned arguments on both sides of the Prop 5 debate. But, isn't a better solution one where families seek professional help themselves and intervene rather than waiting for the police and courts to do so?
You will have the opportunity to voice your opinion in the ballot box soon. Until then, care to let us know what you think here??

Serenity on Mount Tamalpais

Just north of San Francisco's Golden Gate is Mount Tamalpais. It has redwood groves and oak woodlands with a spectacular view from the 2,571-foot peak.